One of the best freebies I got at this year’s Eroticon was a little sachet of Bijoux Indiscrets Aphrodisia Clit Stimulating Balm (which took me a puzzlingly long while to get around to trying out – so much wanking to be done, so little time!). I’ve given it a thorough testing now though, and have finally wrested my fingers from inside my knickers for long enough to tell you all about it.
Basically, I liked it so much that I ordered a full-sized tube…..
On the outside
Within the sturdy cardboard box that the product shipped in were a load of polystyrene peanuts (ugh! I hate polystyrene!!) and a very classy box of textured black card with the ‘Bijoux Indiscrets’ logo in gold. I thought the box was a bit excessively large for a small tube of balm, but there was other stuff in there too. Inside the black box were:
- Some marketing postcards – one with a discount code for future orders
- One of those funky strawberry-and-sparkling-wine flavour double-headed lollies
- Sample sachets of their massage oil in Salted Caramel and Strawberry flavours
- The Aphrodisia balm
The balm itself is fragranced with the ‘Aphrodisia’ scent which is one of BI’s product lines. It’s floral and musky and quite subtle. I’ll be honest here; it’s oddly reminiscent of cosy holiday-cottage pot-pourri, or the soap my granny used to have in her bathroom. Not unpleasant at all but not in the least bit sexy or exciting! I’m generally not a fan of florals anyway so maybe that’s just my prejudice but I was initially slightly put off by the total “meh” effect of the scent.
A word on the ingredients – Bijoux Indiscrets’ products are all vegan and cruelty-free, which is laudable. This product is also 100% free of parabens (a form of preservative which has controversially been linked to health concerns and environmental damage). A list of ingredients is provided on the packaging and the website for those who wish to check for potential allergens. I had no adverse reactions at all, and my immune system can be pretty paranoid at the best of times.
The pump on the tube isn’t great – despite vigorously bouncing my thumb on the top, the balm was determined not to come through. Fortunately the top twists off easily and I was able to get at the contents.
The balm is a pleasant consistency – slippery without being too wet, but not sticky either. I wouldn’t use it as a substitute lube, as it clearly isn’t designed for that purpose. I found that the balm’s effect was so delightful that I didn’t need any lube once it had started to work – I was producing my own without effort.
Which brings me to the whole point of this stuff. It causes tingling and increased receptiveness when applied to my sensitive areas. Think ‘very very gentle Tiger balm without the scary ingredients’ for a comparison. I started with a small dab on my clit and rubbed it in lightly. In minutes, the soft tingling sensation built until it was almost mimicking the sensation I get when a pang of arousal wakes my libido up and makes my clit swell.
Because I’m a greedy slut, I obviously slathered some more on straight away. Protip; doing this does not intensify the effect, don’t waste the magic ointment trying to find the point at which pleasure-tingle becomes pain-tingle. As far as I can tell, there isn’t one. And I went looking for it with enthusiasm.
The sample sachet I had described the contents as “clit stimulating balm”, whereas website lists it as “orgasm enhancer balm” (which confused me a bit when I went online to secure several vats of it for my own personal use). However, when the tube turned up it had both ‘clit stimulation’ and ‘orgasm enhancer’ written on it. I guess it has different effects for different people *shrug*.
While the sensation produced by the balm made me ragingly randy and definitely sped up the process of achieving orgasm; I can’t say that the orgasms I’ve had while using the balm have been better in themselves because of it. The addition of the balm to the 5-minute Power Assisted Utility Wank does give an intensifying effect which knocks a minute or so off the time taken, but does it enhance the orgasm itself? Not as far as I can tell.
That’s in no way a criticism or a disappointment though, because for everything other than orgasm-enhancing; this stuff is GOLD. The effect is great in its own, and even better during playtime. In fact, I’ve been known to take it with me in my bag for entertainment purposes on long train journeys because, well why wouldn’t you?! Being able to enjoy a happy-clit session without the suspicious looks of those in buzz-detecting earshot, the possible risk of being caught on CCTV or nicked for disturbing the peace? Result.
In fact, for tease and denial the Aphrodisia balm is awfully good fun too. Being ordered to lie (or sit…or stand…) still and not wriggle or touch myself as the balm works its magic on me is my idea of gentle subby fun!
Significantly; the balm is great for when my hand joints are too painful to be using anything that vibrates hard, or when I’m in need of a boost to get from “I fancy a wank” to “I’m really turned on”, without having to strain my wrist. Now there’s an accessibility bonus.
The effect does start to wear off after about ten minutes (probably just as well or I’d simply never get any work done) and it does so gradually. From extensive testing, it seems my clit will get sore from wanking long before it gets numb to the effect of the balm even after several re-applications.
Definitely one to add to your zombie apocalypse stockpile. If there’s a supply shortage soon, you know who to blame….
- Not sticky or watery
- Very gentle on skin
- Cruelty- and paraben-free
- A little goes a long way so a £15 tube will provide for quite a lot of usage
- Smells more Laura Ashley than Ashley Madison
- Shipping to the UK adds £9.90 to the price, so if this is all you’re buying then it’s not really worth it unless you’re buying in bulk
- Maybe I just got a duff one, but the dispenser pump on the tube of balm simply doesn’t dispense.
Zebra Rose Verdict:
8/10, I literally frigging love this stuff but getting hold of it from the UK is expensive.